Warning!! Construction Site

So today's post is free formed. I just wanted to chat with you guys. We family, right? lol

Anywho, last night and this morning were ROUGH! I cried and felt heavy hearted. While, I am a very tough cookie. I do have a soft side and it surfaced this week. Tomorrow March 24th would have been my 4 year anniversary with my ex. I know, I know. I need to get over him already.  Well, pray for a sister. It seems my prayers are not making it..lol Its been a real tough 24 hours because all the feelings and plans and thoughts have been popping up. On my drive to work this morning, I CRIED OUT!! Man, I finally allowed myself to fully feel, to fully grasp that he is no longer apart of my life. MAN!!! I cried for all the pain I felt during the situationship, I cried because he could not  love me enough to be better, I cried mostly because I am tired. Tired of loving someone I know for a fact does not and cannot love me. What part of the game is this, Jesus? Who would love some one that hurts them, constantly??? God pulled me out of that situation yet my heart was still there? why? that makes no sense? But then I was reminded of a post i wrote a while ago called Brokenness ( click the link to read) 

I realized I had several faults. I was trying to build a future all on my own with God coming second. I was trying to build something on sin as the foundation. I was trying to build when I did not even gain the skills to lay one brick.  That's like getting behind the wheel of a car to go somewhere and you don't know the first thing about driving. You've seen others do it, it looks easy and fun. But you have no idea about what it took for them to get to drive ( the courses, failed test, accidents etc) So, since I built a life that was totally screwed up and on a foundation that was sure to crack and crumble, God in his love, mercy and faithfulness said NO!. I have plans to prosper you BOTH! Plans of hope and a future! But first, I have to TEAR DOWN alllll the mess that you two made. AND THAT!!! That process is no where near simple or easy. As I am learning. With each day and each situation I go through, God reveals a new layer I had wrong before and how it should be. 

It hurts! Each layer that God removes hurts! I grew accustom and comfortable in the mess and negativity. It was a functional dysfunction. But God is a God of order and discipline. All that he does is good.  Therefore as a child of God, I could not stay where I was. With each wall that is knocked down within me God explains to me, he comforts me, heals me and he replaces it with his love, with his knowledge, with his peace, with his gentleness, with humility, and with submission.  

Another piece that I took from this mornings conversation with God, is that during this season where he is reconstructing my life, I cannot have just anybody roaming around. Each person, especially during this season, has to serve a purpose. Similar to a construction site, people are not allowed to just walk around etc. Each person there has a job to do, they are a part of the building and stabilization of the site. The same way in your life. While God is tearing down and rebuilding, each person in your life should be contributing to his over all work. The prayer warriors, the listening ears, security that block out negativity etc. People that are on the same foundation as you. 

Guys, this journey is a tough one. There are moments, where I am lost. There are moments when I stop dead in my tracks and I have no words or energy, I have nothing but a cry out to God! And his love covers me. It amazes me how God knows just what we mean and what we need without a word being said. Hallelujah! Isn't that Awesome! A couple months ago, God pulled my band aide off and it sucked but It was quick and didn't sting as much. But now he is cleaning this deep wound of mine that had become infected- And this is painful! But as he cleanses me the wound begins to heal properly. 

God, I trust in you. I trust that this season is for my good. It may suck and hurt but it will bring peace and healing to my future. I thank you, father for your faithfulness towards me. Help me to cling to you Oh God. Through the pain, help me to focus on your spirit of calm and love. Cleanse me, heal me and make me new Oh Lord. In the mighty name of Jesus, I pray. Amen!

Love ya to Peace,

Faith.Loves