Warning!! Construction Site

So today's post is free formed. I just wanted to chat with you guys. We family, right? lol

Anywho, last night and this morning were ROUGH! I cried and felt heavy hearted. While, I am a very tough cookie. I do have a soft side and it surfaced this week. Tomorrow March 24th would have been my 4 year anniversary with my ex. I know, I know. I need to get over him already.  Well, pray for a sister. It seems my prayers are not making it..lol Its been a real tough 24 hours because all the feelings and plans and thoughts have been popping up. On my drive to work this morning, I CRIED OUT!! Man, I finally allowed myself to fully feel, to fully grasp that he is no longer apart of my life. MAN!!! I cried for all the pain I felt during the situationship, I cried because he could not  love me enough to be better, I cried mostly because I am tired. Tired of loving someone I know for a fact does not and cannot love me. What part of the game is this, Jesus? Who would love some one that hurts them, constantly??? God pulled me out of that situation yet my heart was still there? why? that makes no sense? But then I was reminded of a post i wrote a while ago called Brokenness ( click the link to read) 

I realized I had several faults. I was trying to build a future all on my own with God coming second. I was trying to build something on sin as the foundation. I was trying to build when I did not even gain the skills to lay one brick.  That's like getting behind the wheel of a car to go somewhere and you don't know the first thing about driving. You've seen others do it, it looks easy and fun. But you have no idea about what it took for them to get to drive ( the courses, failed test, accidents etc) So, since I built a life that was totally screwed up and on a foundation that was sure to crack and crumble, God in his love, mercy and faithfulness said NO!. I have plans to prosper you BOTH! Plans of hope and a future! But first, I have to TEAR DOWN alllll the mess that you two made. AND THAT!!! That process is no where near simple or easy. As I am learning. With each day and each situation I go through, God reveals a new layer I had wrong before and how it should be. 

It hurts! Each layer that God removes hurts! I grew accustom and comfortable in the mess and negativity. It was a functional dysfunction. But God is a God of order and discipline. All that he does is good.  Therefore as a child of God, I could not stay where I was. With each wall that is knocked down within me God explains to me, he comforts me, heals me and he replaces it with his love, with his knowledge, with his peace, with his gentleness, with humility, and with submission.  

Another piece that I took from this mornings conversation with God, is that during this season where he is reconstructing my life, I cannot have just anybody roaming around. Each person, especially during this season, has to serve a purpose. Similar to a construction site, people are not allowed to just walk around etc. Each person there has a job to do, they are a part of the building and stabilization of the site. The same way in your life. While God is tearing down and rebuilding, each person in your life should be contributing to his over all work. The prayer warriors, the listening ears, security that block out negativity etc. People that are on the same foundation as you. 

Guys, this journey is a tough one. There are moments, where I am lost. There are moments when I stop dead in my tracks and I have no words or energy, I have nothing but a cry out to God! And his love covers me. It amazes me how God knows just what we mean and what we need without a word being said. Hallelujah! Isn't that Awesome! A couple months ago, God pulled my band aide off and it sucked but It was quick and didn't sting as much. But now he is cleaning this deep wound of mine that had become infected- And this is painful! But as he cleanses me the wound begins to heal properly. 

God, I trust in you. I trust that this season is for my good. It may suck and hurt but it will bring peace and healing to my future. I thank you, father for your faithfulness towards me. Help me to cling to you Oh God. Through the pain, help me to focus on your spirit of calm and love. Cleanse me, heal me and make me new Oh Lord. In the mighty name of Jesus, I pray. Amen!

Love ya to Peace,

Faith.Loves

Woman in the Mirror

Hola Hola Hoolaaa!! ( Totally sang that..lol)
Hey Family! It's been a couple days! But I'm back :)

I do want to offer a disclaimer for this post. I know I generally write from the point of view of a struggling young lady and all that we have to deal with from the opposite sex. However, today is a Reflection Day- time to look in the mirror. Time to see what the guys have to deal with from us. So don't get mad at me for spilling some females secrets lol or "taking their side". Change starts within.

Mean, insecure, hot tempered, spiteful, #Petty, emotional, indecisive, stubborn, and controlling. These are a few words to describe me a while back. Yes, little ol' me. I  had to be in charge and would have it no other way. I was not the best at listening. By listening, I don't mean hearing. I could hear just fine, but I didn't hear to understand and reply. I heard enough to yell or to create my own ideas about the situation.

Two things I was the master of was expecting my partner to be a mind reader and assuming things. Ladies, lets bare it all for a quick second. We are borderline Coo Coo for CoCo Puffs! LOL! Our boyfriend/fiance/husband does or says something we don't like, we realize he has no idea about it and we give him the silent treatment/ignore his calls or text, give him attitude yet expecting him to know whats wrong and apologize. To add to the madness, when he asks what is wrong... we say "nothing" or "I'm fine" (throw both hands in the air) Just nuts! But that's us! How is he suppose to fix it when the poor guy has no clue he's even in a dispute. Now, after sometime in the relationship and getting to know each other both of you should know the hot buttons and not to push them. But we all slip, so let that man "live" so to speak. Communicate, CALMLY and explain what happened, how it made you feel and why.

If my ex did not answer his phone when I thought he was free, I assumed everything imaginable from him cheating, being arrested, killed and even to him being kidnapped by aliens. Don't judge me, you never know..LOL. When he did call me back I would go OFF! What were you doing? Who are you with? Where are you? You didn't you hear your phone? Where was your phone? Why wasn't it charged? You should have anticipated that I would call you at 7:38 pm. Keep your phone with you at all times!! All of that before he could even say A WORD!. smh! -___-   The crazy part is that I knew he had a messed up phone that didnt really work without being plugged in  Ghetto, I know! lol And I knew where he was, who he was with and what they were doing. But that one missed call. Lack of trust and assumptions.

I pushed that guy so much thinking it was bringing him closer to God and in turn to me. WRONG! (I don't know how that logic made sense to me... like really Faith??)

The bible gives us beautiful examples of the women that we should model after Proverbs 31, Ruth,  and Esther, etc. Gentle and Quiet Spirit, patient and understand, prayerful, nurturing, loving and wise, etc. We cannot want and Ephesians 5:25-33 man, a Godly man and then treat him like scum. Even if he is not a Godly man, treating him like crap actually says more about us than it does about him. We cannot allow circumstances to dictate our Christian walk. So all that negativity and frustration we feel, we need to let that down at the feet of Jesus. We need to pray to God not to harden our hearts towards our men but to help us help them. And- if it be, ask if the situation is right for us. God may very well want you out of that relationship. But you cannot allow this world or any man to consume you so much that you forget who you are in Christ.

I hope this helps a sister. All that negativity is really eating away at you more than anyone else. You've got to prepare for that husband you've been praying for. God is protective of his sons as well. He will not send him to a woman that will break him rather than help him.

Love ya to Peace,
Faith. Loves

It was brought to my attention that some of my blog post seem like they are bashing my last situation. This isn't the first time but I think I should address this point and clarify.

I do not hate or regret the past 4 years of my life. Sure it was rough and hurtful, on both his side and mine. But I take it all as a giant lesson. A lesson that God needed me to learn and until I learned it, I had to endure. My ex is NOT a bad person. In fact, I believe without a doubt in my mind that when he finds himself and becomes a man. Whoo! He's going to be beyond amazing. I've said that to him and will always say it about him. Just like I had to grow up and realize somethings and change some of my ways and thinking, he has to do the same.

When I write about the struggles ( lessons) that we went through. It is because I want to hopefully spare others from our mistakes. So you guys get to read some of the ugly and hurtful things. Now, I will admit maybe this is God telling me I should write about me now. About all the mess I caused to him. So stay tuned!!  I am NOT perfect and I think its time to really show that. I've let you see my hurt, but maybe you should see my wrong reactions too so that you can learn from it as well.

So to clear it up, lol. My ex is not horrible, just lost. It was not all his fault, I played a part as well. And furthermore, I think I have about two more post on this relationship. Then I move on to the present! Oh, Fun! LOL

Love ya to Peace,
Faith.Loves

Memes for you..

Late nights with time on my hands lol! 

Forgiveness

This is a very impromptu post ( it's clearly past my time to sleep -12am). However this topic has been weighing on my heart. Forgiveness. I love Jesus! I want to serve God and be a light unto the world. I want God to be pleased with me. I'm constant checking myself to make sure I'm walking right before him. And then I come across forgiveness. 

I struggle so much to forgive people. These people that I have yet to forgive are walking around living their lives and I can't seem to forgive them. I don't know if it's because I want closure or an explaination of why they hurt me. Or even if I did something wrong, I just need to know what happened. It's so difficult to forgive. The bible and Lord's Prayer says " forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us" - I'm in trouble then. I'm trying my best to forgive but when I think of certain folks all that they said or didn't/ did or didn't do comes up. I don't know I guess I need to pray harder. I'm gotten really good at burying my real emotions. That's good or bad? 

Anywho, you guys are my sounding board. I just need to get this out. Forgiveness is huge and sometimes difficult to get a firm grip on. 

Love ya to Peace,

Faith.Loved

Soul Ties

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and they will become one flesh ( Genesis 2:24)

For the past week, I have been thinking and over-thinking about why I cannot emotionally, mentally, even spiritually get over my past. I know for an absolute fact- that the last was NOT God's choice for me. That was purely on my own accord. So why can't I move on even though God physically removed me from that situation.

I have also been reading the Word (a challenge I've almost completed) and there is one thing that popped out to me and helped me understand whats going on with me. Genesis 2:24. So it just clicked to me. I wasn't just a physical mess in my situation. But because we were active in sexual relations, in the spiritual realm -we were one.

Note: Having sex is not the only way to have a soul tie. Soul Ties can happen from emotional attachments,  as well as accepting and acknowledging false Gods ( See story of Jezebel- 1&2 Kings esp. in Revelations) - although Jezebel was physically married to the King, her spirit was tied to a false god Baal from childhood by her parents.  

 So on top of all of the battles I had or he had, we now took on each others battles. Though he was not my husband- we were never married before God -in the spirit, the act that confirms the bond between man and woman is sex. ( Hence the reason why God said not to have sexual relations before marriage) 

Ladies, let's be real. in regular terms. Have you ever heard a female say, she's not having sex with a guy because she wants to have a clear mind. Or have you heard after a female has had sex she gets a little "crazy" or "attached". That's the way it is suppose to be!! ( Attached not crazy..lol ) You have become one with a man. He is to protect you and provide and guide you. So Yes! your attached. and No! your not crazy for feeling that way. It is the way we were created!!

1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to flee from sexual immorality because its not really a sin against anyone else but a sin against our own selves. If you really want to be deep about it, its a direct sin against God because the Word says that our body is God's temple. Sooooooooo. you  get my point! 

A soul tie, to me, is probably the most difficult challenge to deal with. Like my situation, although, I don't speak to, text, hang out, or really see my ex. He is on my mind, in my dreams and the emotions are still there. And I know it has nothing to do with wanting him back or feeling sad really. Its that I was once One with him. For 4 years, I was One with him. Now my spirit and flesh are like --- Um, hello?! we're missing a piece here. What happened to that guy that use to be here, remember him?         ( thoughts), remember what you guys planned? ( dreams) omg, what if he found someone else? (emotions).  A soul tie can drive you crazy!! LOL and in many instances it makes many people lost it and do /say outlandish things to people that they were once in love with. But God is such an awesome God. He gives us a way out of our soul ties. Jesus Christ!.

Once we acknowledge and repent, we can begin our life ( spiritual life) with Christ. All the things we did to get the attention of the wrong one, we should do for Christ. How you would look cute for the guy ( dress modestly), how you would be patient/caring for the guy ( have a gentle/ quiet spirit), how you would talk about him to any and everyone ( spread the Gospel) How you wanted to spend every second with that guy ( spend time in the Word, Bible Study, Prayer meetings, serving the needy) Christ is the one that can fill the void of not only your heart but your spirit too. He can break that soul tie and create a relationship that no one and nothing except you can break. You will have to walk away from him. Christ will never walk away from you. Heck, he was beaten and hung on a cross for you. He wants you, all of you, forever and ever! He fights for you.

What I have learned in spending time with God is that although I am battling an old soul tie. Christ wants me. So when those thoughts, dreams, and feelings creep up- I can call on the name of Jesus. I can read/quote a scripture. I can sing/listen to a worship song. I can literally cast the devil away with his negativity by talking to Jesus and praying to God.

I urge all those who are not married yet and are still virgins to please wait. Wait for your one. Spare yourself the heartache and added struggle of a soul tie to one that is not for you. If you are not married and have a soul tie, cling to Jesus. He is the only one that can cut that cord and break that chain. He is the one that can fill your heart and spirit.

Love ya to Peace,
Faith.Loves

Is He Your Adam? Finding your Leader

I am absolutely excited to share this quick word with you all. You guys know I've been struggling with letting go of the past. Well God set me straight this afternoon with this. Reflecting on my past relationship(s), I often wonder why I could never listen to the guy. Why I could never let him take the lead?  Although he would be right, I could never listen to him. Even when I was upset at him for not stepping up and taking the lead in our relationship/situationship, I let him slide in not taking the lead. Why is that?

Adam had dominion over everything on earth. When God saw that he was alone, he took a rib from Adam and created Eve, his mate (woman). God gave Adam the responsibility of watching over everything that was to him including his mate. Furthermore, more specifically  In Genesis 3: 16 God places Adam over Eve. He (Adam) must lead her (Eve). She now must listen to him.

The reason I could never listen to them was because they were not my Adam. They were not my leader, my protector, the one I was made to help. At one point during my situationship, I realized that I was being the man. Protecting, providing, leading not only in everyday life but in faith as well. ( I was always forcing prayer or reading the word.) The balance was off. He began to resent me and I lost respect for him. In coming to understand the word, I learned that your Adam will follow God. He will follow Gods word. He will lead, he will provide and protect etc. It will not be so hard and hurtful to let him lead and for you to listen to his direction.

If you are in a relationship and it absolutely pains you to listen to him and let him lead. The balance is off. 2 things:

1- If he is a man of God, he will not mislead you. He will not purposely or repeatedly hurt you. He will follow God's word to the best of his ability. Now remember we all fall short of the glory of God. So I'm not saying he should be absolutely perfect but there should be evidence of good fruit. ( read previous posts about The Fruit)

2- Sorry to say this but you may not be his Eve. He shouldn't have to battle with you to listen. If he is doing the best he can to walk in righteousness but you my dear just can't get on his page. SisterGirl, let that man be free. Spend time at the feet of the Lord and let him lead you to the right one. Let the Lord lead the right one to him. 

Another thing that was revealed, another blog I will likely dive deeper into is Songs of Solomon 8:4. Awakening your Adam before its time. The bible says that God put Adam in a deep sleep to remove his rib and to create Eve from it. God cut open into Adam- healed him and then brought his help mate to him. ( re-read that last sentence until you get it) When God brought Eve to Adam, God didn't even say anything to Adam. He automatically realize this one was different. This one was like him, of him. He loved her. Genesis 2:23-24 

If you are still struggling to understand the underlined sentence, let me explain. God broke down Adam a little bit. He decommission Adam for a little while. He then took a piece Adam during that breakdown and then he healed Adam. He didn't leave him broken or even bruised. And from that piece he took from Adam, he created Eve, his helper. God created Adam from dirt, how easy for God to have done that again to create Eve?? But he didn't.  Eve, more than anyone or anything else can understand Adam because she is from him bone, his flesh and his decommissioned state. She is able to understand a part of him that he can't even explain but she feels.

Back to the Leader ( The Lord took over completely- i don't know who that was for but God needed you to read that. So get it? Got it? Good) Your Adam is your leader. He will not trample over you but protect you, provide for you, love you and lead you. You in turn will listen to him and take to his advise. You will feel comfortable when he leads and takes charge because you trust that he is not leading on his own understanding and capabilities. But it is by God's word.
I pray we find our leaders and have patience to  wait until God awakens him and presents us to him.

Love you to Peace,
Faith. Loves

Just Me

I am a very private person. I do not like the spot light. I am not the best at sharing and being open with others. I am very protective of my private life. But, I write on this blog and I open up and spill my guts to the world essentially, because I believe God is working on something greater than me. I write about my experiences and thoughts, about my frustrations, fears and wins. I write about things I would normally never tell anyone else. Why? I know that somewhere, either today or years from now. A young lady may be traveling down a path very similar to mine. She may be heartbroken and lost. She may be suffering and confused. She may want to know if anyone on earth understands her completely, if anyone has been through what she is going through and made it. That young lady can read all about my trust issues and how God is shaping me and repairing me. She can be spared the pain I went through of awakening love before its time (Song of Solomon 8:4) and the consequences of that. She can know that her tears will dry and that she will laugh and smile again. God IS SO GOOD! He's sees all and knows all. He has great plans of prosperity and joy. (Jeremiah 29:11)  Her dark days will not always be dark, for mourning may endure for a night- but joy, JOY comes in the morning! (Psalm 30:5)

It may be difficult to listen to a parent or elder in the church who seems like they have no idea what she's living. But here, she can know that someone today or before her time cared so much about her as to write out all the experiences she may come across. Like a helper along the way. My intentions with each and every post is to inspire, reconnect souls to God and strengthen my sisters. Because in all honesty, I love each and every one! Those I know and speak to daily,those I have yet to know and those who have yet to come. How do I love them without knowing them? By being an example- I am not in any way, shape or form perfect. LOL. You guys can see that in my posts. God is busy at work in me. I need a whole lot of fixing. But that is the beauty of the example. That God's glory shines through a mess like me. So that you know ( every young lady that reads this knows) its okay to make an unknowing mistake. His power is made perfect in our weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Young lady, you need only to keep your eyes on Christ. Pray without ceasing. Seek the kingdom of God and his righteousness and ALL else will be given to you. (Matthew 6:33)  Its okay to be different, its AMAZING to be pure ( trust me on this one..mmkay). In this day,  if you are a TRUE Christian, you are a rare breed. Like a precious ruby, you are set apart. Beautiful, know this. If you remain true to God ,he will remain faithful not only to you but to all your generations to come.

Love you to Peace,
Faith.Loves.